‘I love love, but I don’t love Valentine’s Day’

Valentine’s day.

I should be a big fan really… 

I’m a hopeless romantic that loves love.

I read about love, I talk about love, I love, a lot.

But I don’t love Valentine’s day.

I think what I find hard to love about Valentine’s day is just how fake and surface level it all is. It’s a day where people post red roses on Instagram with the caption ‘so lucky x’ and then proceed to have a raging argument with their other half that nobody sees (been there, got the tshirt - minus the presents lol). It’s pretty hard not to compare yourself when this happens, as with much of Instagram and how every event pretty much plays out (Christmas, summer hols etc.). 

I realised I didn’t really know where Valentine’s day originated so I looked it up and it seems like nobody really knows but… 

Valentine’s Day is rumoured to originate from a pagan holiday which National Geographic describes as “the earliest possible origin story of Valentine’s Day is the pagan holiday Lupercalia. Occurring for centuries in the middle of February, the holiday celebrates fertility. Men would strip naked and sacrifice a goat and dog. Young boys would then take strips of hide from the sacrificed animals and use it to whip young women, to promote fertility.”

Like, what the fuck? 

Now it’s just a bit of a weird commercialised day where a most people feel shit and everything is just red and pink (which, well, is not so bad, we love a little bit of red and pink obviously lol).

Don’t get me wrong, I’m looking forward to going out with my boyfriend for a couple of drinks tonight, and I had a great time with Elle last night at Coco Mellors’ book event for Galentine’s Day… but that’s mostly because it’s been a shit week (and yes I know it’s only Tuesday) so spending time with my loved ones is very welcome and it has no direct correlation to the fact that it’s mid February.

I guess what I feel is more important when it comes to love and romance is the stuff we don’t see on Instagram on Valentine’s day. And it just irritates me that we still present this surface level of romance all the time. 

What’s important is having a partner, friends and family that endlessly support you every day, people that support your wins and console you when it feels like life’s in the bin.

The best love stories we read and watch aren’t the ones where’s a big romantic gesture on one day a year, and actually those gestures are usually when a guy (let’s be honest, it’s often a guy) has fucked up or from the crazy controling ex (think Tiffy’s ex in the Flatshare).

Real love is all the stuff inbetween, the difficult conversations, the sharing of experiences, the 9 minute voicenotes, and the random surprises.

It’s also acts of kindness, it’s saying no to plan you know you won’t enjoy, it’s celebrating others successes even when you don’t want to celebrate your own, it’s knowing when somebody needs company and when they don’t, it’s 3am phone calls and drop everything ‘let’s get wine’ kind of days.

It’s buying yourself those fucking flowers every week - in the words of Miley herself, it’s buying your housemates cold & flu tablets, it’s sending hug GIFs, sharing inside jokes, seeking adventures, and so much more. 

As much as I would really enjoy some flowers from my boyfriend on Valentine’s day, I’d much rather focus on all the other declarations in my life everyday. All of the above and more, from my partner sure (I’m v lucky) but also from my friends (again, v lucky), and my family too (also v v lucky). 

That’s what we should be celebrating on Valentine’s day. 

By Kath, Co-Host of book(ish)